Sometimes it is hard to believe in God. It’s always hard to believe in a God like my parents described: all-powerful, all-good, perfect and to reconcile that with all the tragedy, death and injustice in this world. Maybe it is a lack of “faith” or maybe it takes more faith to realize that God might not be those things but might still be worth some sort of relationship. Maybe.
All this to say: I may struggle with God but I completely believe in the fairy that lives in my car radio. Whenever I’ve felt anguished and sad, I used to call out to God, without much clear guidance. Now, I call out to my radio and either hit “scan” or “random” on a CD. Much like asking your ipod shuffle a question… (many people do this, I’m not the only crazy one – google it!). And my radio has such a good success rate on perceiving the situation and responding accordingly.
Tonight, I am feeling like a cloud is hanging over my head. I think it’s related to Stella. I don’t know how to describe her, nothing does her justice or explains her magic. Stella died about 3 weeks ago. She was 3 1/2 years old, she had two moms, two brothers and one horrible brain tumor that eventually ended her life. And I went to her memorial service over the weekend. And now it feels over. I’m sure her moms are feeling the same, multiplied by a million. So I’m feeling this let down and I turned to my radio fairy and asked her to help me out. Here’s her response:
Mumford and Sons – After the Storm
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won’t rot, I won’t rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won’t rot.
And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.
And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That’s why I hold,
That’s why I hold with all I have.
That’s why I hold.
I won’t die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I’ll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before.
And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Youtube video: Here
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Thank you radio fairy, you’re great. Miss you Stella. Thank you for sharing your magic, enjoy soaring through the stars. (stellabrunermethven.com)
natalie libre 